No, I am not going to go into a dissertation on how parenting has changed in the last so many years.  I am simply going to relay and expand on the content of a conversation I had on the golf course last week.  I was playing with three men, all of whom I respect.  All of them are a bit older than myself and have children older than my own.  One of them has been in the coaching profession for quite a while.

The conversation went to how parents are so much more involved in their kids lives today.  In college settings they talk about “Hover Parents”.  How, parents have much more investment in the their kids lives, and how parents seem to live for (or are so committed to being at) their kids activities (sports involvement was what started the conversation).  It wasn’t stated as a pro or a con, simply a matter of how things are.  Part of it was attributed to the fact that in the past most parents worked physically demanding and often long hours and as such the amount of opportunity to be involved was decreased.  Part of it was implied, that priorities are now more kidcentric.  An implied concern was that parents were involving themselves in areas that previously were left up to the kids to negotiate.

I have to plead guilty.  I love going to my kids activities.  I agree that parents as a whole are more involved in their kids lives and activities.  I must admit that I had a father who was more like today’s parents than the parents of old.  I played baseball and my dad always ended up a coach.  Not because he volunteered, but because he showed up to all the practices and the coaches would ask him to “hit the outfielders some balls” and next thing you knew he was a coach.  For me it was ideal.  I think the good and bad of it tends to favor the good.  I believe that parental involvement in their kids lives is a positive and the research seems to to supports it.

I do think that there are some legitimate concerns.  One has to do with the previously mentioned concern of parents inserting themselves into situations that kids would previously be expected manage on their own.  I think that at times we have to let our kids learn to fend for themselves.  They need to learn to talk to the coach, or teacher or karate instructor themselves and respectfully state their concerns.  They need to learn that sometimes life isn’t fair.  Another concern is the manufacturing of narcissism or egotism in these kids.  If we make our children the center of our world they may begin to think they are the center of the world.

I believe that parents can merge the best of both worlds.  Parents can make a top priority of being at their kids activities.   Staying out of the coaches way.  Offering encouragement and praise to both the team and the coach whenever possible.  Coaching their children on how to do and say things, while urging them to address concerns themselves.  Being careful not to rescue them from the struggles and difficuties of life.

Our world has been going though a number of significant changes.  Some good, some bad and most of them difficult to categorize.  I must admit I’m concerned about many of them.  I am thus confronted with the question of what I am to do about these changes.  I am not the get a bullhorn and make a scene type.  At the same time I believe that I have a responsibility to do something.

Why, because of my children, their friends and all of the other children.  I believe that we are creating our prosperity on their dime.  I realize that we are in a very difficult time financially.  But we have to admit that we are still about as prosperous a society as has ever existed, even in our current crisis.  Also the economy is a small part of my concerns.  I also have great concerns in the areas of our morals and values, our politics, and our core philosophy.  Ultimately the implications land on the areas I have focused my career, namely, marriage, family, mental health and faith.

So what am I supposed to do.  I don’t know the whole answer, but, I think I know what the first step is. I believe that PRAYER is where I have to start.  Prayer for what the second step is.  Prayer for my children and all the children.  Prayer for the people I interact with right now, both personally and professionally.  Prayer to be used as God’s tool to answer my own prayers.