Do you think separation is a good idea?

When I was a brand new therapist I brought this question up in a meeting of colleagues.  At that time I had a couple who came in having separated before the first session.  At that time, I had never suggested a separation as a therapist, but I did label my clients decision to seperate as a “therapeutic separation”.   One of my colleagues at that meeting said he usually considered “therapeutic separation” an oxymoron.   I don’t know that I fully agree with that sentiment, but I don’t fully disagree with it either.  Unfortunately there are clients who take a separation as practice divorce.  Early on they experience relief because the tension is lifted and they head full speed towards divorce.  Often this includes pursuing new relationships and activities which prevents them from really evaluating their circumstances.    On other occasions,  the seperation serves as an opportunity to take account of their life.  This often leads to a realization of what has real value in life and results in a renewal of commitment to the marriage.

Unfortunately predicting which reaction will occur is usually a guess.  Yes, there are clients, both ways that you can venture a pretty good guess, but usually it’s a toss up.  So with that in mind, I hardly ever suggest a separation.  However, if the clients bring it up, we will discuss the possibilities.  I will always frame it as a “therapeutic separation” with the hope of avoiding the practice divorce scenario.  The circumstances where I have suggested a separation are usually very unique and extreme.  In thirteen years of practice, I’ve been the one to suggest separation less than five times.

Having Sex 365 days in a row to reinvigorate a marriage. Not an intervention I’ve personally suggested to clients but it does present an interesting topic for discussion about the value of sex in marriage. I’ve always thought sexuality was the “Celebration of Intimacy” not the source of intimacy. A concept I stole from one of my coworkers. But, I have to acknowledge that sexuality does play some role, maybe minor, in the creation/maintenance of intimacy.

See the article here.

I just got back, yesterday fro an extended family vacation.  Nine days, Including travel days with the four of us.  I must say that it was better than I had hoped.  And, I have high hopes for our vacation time.  We got to have a lot of fun together and I think that we were able to really strengthen our family connection.  One thing that occurred on this trip is that we shared stories with the boys from their early childhood.  They wanted to hear those stories over and over again.  I think this trip created some more stories to enjoy for years to come.