EricClements.Com

Teens becoming Fake Christians

Eric — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 23:10:08 +0000

One of my colleagues, Timothy Doty Psy.D., recently tweeted about this article. I must admit that I’ve noted this kind of shallow faith with teens (and Adults) for some time. Irony is, the articles stated motivation of, God as therapist, isn’t so far off. God is the true source of healthy self esteem. However, feeling good isn’t always his ultimate goal. Sometimes good things come from suffering, not a popular message, but one we see throughout scripture and history.

Pro Marriage

Eric — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 15:16:02 +0000

It is not uncommon to be asked, if I ever think that some marriages just aren’t worth saving. The question comes in a variety of forms. Maybe its the idea that, some people just aren’t the right match, or, wouldn’t the kids be better off if the parents divorced rather than continued with their pattern of conflict. Some have suggested that we’re just not happy and as such we should go our separate ways.

The fact is, research on these ideas, suggests that saving marriages is generally best for all involved. Couples who weather hard times and stay together, tend to be more satisfied five years later than those who divorce. This is true for them as a couple and as individuals. Kids tend to function better in intact families than divorced. Part of the reason is that, often, divorced couples don’t tend to give up the patterns of conflict they had while together. So now the kids have parents who continue their conflict, except, now they fight mostly about the kids and custody, and they use the kids to manipulate, coerce and punish their ex. I would suggest that this is the worse of two evils. Some of the best research on these things can be seen at sites like smartmarriages.com
and the research and reference portion of prepinc.com

All the above ways of thinking, tends to be based on an assumption that there are two choices. Continue our current pattern or go our separate ways. There is a third option, stay together and learn to deal with your problems in a better way. It takes work, usually hard work, but the results are worth it.

Back to the original question. As a general rule, I am pro marriage. I specifically got into the marriage therapy business in order to help people save and thrive in their marriages. I don’t think I’d be inclined to go to a therapist who has a truly neutral stance on the value of marriage. This isn’t to say that I make decisions for my clients. It is their decision to make. However, I am honest with them about my pro marriage stance.

The Value of Real Connection

Eric — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 21:25:39 +0000

I’ve been gleaning more information on marriage, and I have come to a new realization in the last year or so. Previously I had thought that prevention of harmful communication was the holy grail of marital therapy. Okay, that is a bit overstated. However, I did tend to focus on communication, a bit excessively. I still think that communication and problem solving in a healthy manner is a vital focus for many of the couples I see. However, I’ve been paying attention to some of the things that John Gottman Ph.D. has been saying. According to him, the quality of connection or friendship in a relationship is very important. It is vital in determining the receptiveness of one partner to efforts of the other, to stop and/or heal from episodes of caustic communication. So now, while I will often begin with a focus on communication, I will usually also give some focus how to improve the friendship, playfulness and emotional connection. I find it useful to enhance, even to enable the use of communication skills as stated above. I also find that clients who come to therapy, typically don’t come for communications skill, even if they come in with that as the stated goal. Couples come in because they are at risk of losing something very important to them, the friendship with their spouse.

Where has the Common Sense Gone?

Eric — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 13:32:55 +0000

I think this is a reprint of something from a few years back but it is still good. Check out the Obituary of Common Sense.

Top 10 things heard/seen at recent Disney World Trip

Eric — Sat, 29 May 2010 02:54:42 +0000

10) While walking to the monorail, youngest was talking a mile a minute. Something like this. “I can’t wait for the chance to go on that ride again, and then we can have a…OOH LIZARD”

9) Oldest bought a shirt that says, “I’m Grumpy because your Dopey.”

8)During a typical sibling fight, I asked “What’s the problem?”
Youngest: He’s angry at me for no reason.
Oldest: No I’m not.
Youngest: Yes, he is.
Oldest: Well, now I am.

7) On a T-Shirt, under a picture of a Mickey Ear Hat was the statement, “Just because I have ears doesn’t mean I’m listening.” We bought the shirt for my youngest.

6) The strength of a nation derives from the home. -Confucius
Seen at China pavilion at Epcot

5) “Please stand clear of the door. Por favor mantengase alejado de las puertas.” Which I would lip sync, in a mildly exaggerated manner, every time we were on the monorail.

4) “It’s a small world after all” Repeated 20,000 times.

3)”Righteous, Righteous, Righteous” Youngest, on Big Thunder Mountain. He’d been a bit hesitant about riding it.

2)”We’re over at the big dome thing.” By a random woman who was referring to the Geodesic Sphere that is the center piece of Epcot.

1)On the Monorail-
Dad: Where are we going?
3yr old daughter: Magic Kingdom
Dad: Who are we going to see?
Daughter: Magic People

Good News from Social Networking

Eric — Thu, 20 May 2010 13:21:37 +0000

I joined Twitter and Facebook almost a year ago, with much reluctance. As a marital and family therapist I had seen a lot of damage done to relationships and individuals though social networking. I admit, I got a very skewed perspective. This article helps me to see that good does come from these tools.

Crowdsourced effort seeks to save 4-year-old’s life

Internet Addiction

Eric — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 13:30:55 +0000

Yesterday at our staff meeting, one of my colleagues showed a video of how quickly the internet and modern day electronics have taken hold in our society. Social networking is a significant, some would say vital, part of our world. Now we see people showing signs of withdrawal if denied access to these resources. This article describes college students who are experiencing anxiety, misery, jitters etc. from being denied access. It is a new world. I admit, I ~~love~~ enjoy my computer, Iphone and Ipod. I really want an Ipad. But, I don’t “need” it. Today, especially the generation of my children, think they “need” these devices. Let’s be honest. Teens today have no memory of a time that the internet didn’t exist. Maybe we would benefit from some electronic sabbaticals.

Of Golf and Marriage

Eric — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 13:26:58 +0000

I am an advocate for marriage for a number of reasons. Among them is that it is good for kids from those marriages, it’s good for the health, both mental and physical of those who are married and because I know that God is pro marriage. Add this to the list. Healthy loving marriages help us to be better in so many areas of our life. Check out this commentary on Phil Mickelson’s marriage.

A Scuba Diving Dream

Eric — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 16:14:52 +0000

Will be in the water pretty soon. Wife and I taking 20 year anniversary trip to Kauai. Could only hope this kind of thing would happen while we are diving.

Went scuba diving… dolphins swam by from Steve on Vimeo.

Another Face of Evil

Eric — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 14:58:04 +0000

I honestly believe that a culture without spiritually informed values will be the perfect breeding ground for evil. I’ve done a bit of study in the area of apologetics and foundations for moral values. I’m convinced that we must look to a higher power to educate us on the principals of right and wrong. I specifically choose a value system based on Jesus Christ, His life, and teachings as contained in the bible. Agnosticism and atheism have no foundation on which to base any values. When you have no foundation, you end up with no values and/or narcissistic values. This article is a good example of the natural consequences of a society with no eternal basis for it’s values.