These social sites like Myspace, Facebook and others, are simply frightening to me.  I know I have a distorted perspective because of what I do.  I’ve seen too many marriages effected by Internet affairs and heard of too many stories of predators online. I actually signed up for one site about two months ago.  I got friend requests within a few hours.  I got spooked by the whole process almost immediately.  I was startled by the random and spontaneous nature of the “friendship” process.  So I withdrew from the site the same day.

I realize that this is part of the way people connect and participate in community now, but, I still urge caution.  I will probably get on such a site some day.  In the meantime I encourage my clients to be very careful about anything on the internet. I am probably too cautious, however, I certainly believe it is better to be safe than sorry.

It seems to me that the Christian world has been actively addressing the issue of sexual addiction, or Cybersex inappropriateness, for some time.  The secular world has been more sporadic in acknowledging the problem. Often the secular community will either react in the extreme to isolated stories or minimizing it’s significance.  As I recall, MANY years ago Michael Douglas admitted to sexual addiction issue.    I found this rather stale news of David Duchovny’s problems.  This article seems to be acknowledging that there is a real problem. Be warned, it certainly suggests some levels of cybersex dalliance may be acceptable, a statement with which most Christians would differ.

I can tell you that the internet has created problems for a number of men who would’ve never been tempted by another form of pornography.  The semblance of anonymity, false as it may be, has allowed many men to satisfy their curiosity and much more.  I know exactly when I had a dramatic increase of men dealing with porn addiction/abuse.  It was in 1996 when AOL went from pay by the hour to $19.99 for all you can view.   Within six months I had a boatload of men dealing with cybersex issue and marriages in trouble since the wife discovered her husbands viewing of internet porn.

The women aren’t completely innocent either.  Although, they were more often struggling with inappropriate cyber relationships.  I’ve had a number of men insist on marital therapy after discovering a cyberaffair.

Unfortunately, Christian’s struggle with these issues almost as frequently as Non-Christians.  On some levels it might even seem to be a worse problem for the Christian.  Christian’s may realize they have a problem far earlier than the Non-Christian, simply due to a difference in values.  As such, Christian’s tend to see a problem and seek help at levels Non-Christians are not usually concernd about.

Having Sex 365 days in a row to reinvigorate a marriage. Not an intervention I’ve personally suggested to clients but it does present an interesting topic for discussion about the value of sex in marriage. I’ve always thought sexuality was the “Celebration of Intimacy” not the source of intimacy. A concept I stole from one of my coworkers. But, I have to acknowledge that sexuality does play some role, maybe minor, in the creation/maintenance of intimacy.

See the article here.

I just wanted to put out a brief report about the retreat I had discussed in a previous post. I think it went really well. I tend to want these things to be pretty casual, and I think that was accomplished. I think the interesting and unintended theme was the word “Intentional”. Each speaker spoke of the importance of purposely or intentionally making “The Good Stuff” happen. When I asked them to speak, I gave them very broad instructions and pretty much left most of the details and content up to them. Intentionality. was a common theme that occurred serendipitously. (There, I’ve used my big word for the week.)

I’m helping with a marriage retreat at our church in a couple of weeks.  In the past I’ve done a lot of seminars or retreat presentations on communication or problems solving.  I really wanted to do something different this time.  It is true that poor communication and problem solving can seriously erode the sense of connection in a relationship.  Thus my previous presentations.  However, rebuilding that sense of connection is important also.  Thus we will be presenting on fun, friendship, sensuality/sexuality and spirituality.  Many couples forget that these were the things that really helped them grow closer together early in their relationship and in their marriage.  But life gets away with us and we forget to do those things as we get settled into the relationship.   Hopefully this retreat will serve as just such a reminder.

I read this in an email I get regularly from the Smartmarriages organization. It will likely change, at least subtly, some of the things I encourage couples to do with their time together. It suggests that couples do new and exciting things together and not just stick to the things they’ve always done. Link