One of my colleagues, Timothy Doty Psy.D., recently tweeted about this article. I must admit that I’ve noted this kind of shallow faith with teens (and Adults) for some time. Irony is, the articles stated motivation of, God as therapist, isn’t so far off. God is the true source of healthy self esteem. However, feeling good isn’t always his ultimate goal. Sometimes good things come from suffering, not a popular message, but one we see throughout scripture and history.

I remember going to the leaning houses in amusements parks.  In these places you had to stand at angles and it looked like you were walking uphill while it felt like going down hill.  They’d roll a billiard ball on a pool table that was obviously leaning one way, but the ball would oddly roll the other direction.  It all took advantage of building the whole place on one angle and then leaning things the other.  This disoriented people to what is true up and down.

I think at times I do this in my own life.  Especially spiritually.  I get so focused on the things going on right now.  Those things can seem pretty miserable in the present, yet in two years time (or maybe two hours time) I would have no recall of the specifics of that issue.  I’d lost my reference to true up and down.

What is that reference? The Death, Burial and Resurrection sure seems to be a good first place to look. It certainly orients me to up and down.

At first you laugh and then you cry.  I hope the couples I work with can someday celebrate their partners imperfections.

This comic strip says so much.  I think it fits for families as well.  There is a reason families are not committees.

I stole the statement that “parents are to be Benevolent Dictators” a long time ago. Parents are in charge of the family, as they follow the leadership of God.

Parents tend to struggle with the seemingly oxymoronical terms, “Benevolent”, and, “Dictator.”  Their common usage today, does seem to be contradictory. So parents often focus on just one of the words.  Benevolent, to the point of permissiveness. Too much understanding and not enough structure.  Or, as dictators,they have the iron fist without any love or compassion.  The third and possibly most dangerous pattern involves vacillation between the two terms creating a chaotic family.  These terms only work when the person(s) in charge, the dictator(s), are putting the needs of the ones being led, ahead of their own needs.  Thus benevolence.

Amazing how that sounds like the leadership model advocated by Christ.

The article titled Praying for spouse benefits marriage has some wonderful points.  I would summarize one of its points by saying its hard to pray for someone and maintain a negative, resentful attitude towards them.  One of the unintended consequences (they are not all bad) of prayer is the heart change made in the one doing the praying.  Of course the one without intention in this situation would be the person praying not God.  It is hard to come before the King of Kings in anything but an attitude of humility.  That humility is always a good thing, whether in aproaching God or dealing with our spouse.

Of all the characteristics that make Christian Counseling unique, I believe that forgiveness has to be near the top of the list.  Christian counselors have been talking about forgiveness for a long time, well before our secular counterparts considered the idea.  Now, the concept of forgiveness is valued, both in the Christian and secular worlds.  However, I still think Christian counselors have a leg up.  Why, because Christianity is all about forgiveness.  We are in relationship with the Creator of all things because he is willing to forgive us and he expects us to do likewise.  His forgiveness heals the relationship harmed by our sin.  Our willingness to forgive can heal our relationships, even the relationship with self.

Our world has been going though a number of significant changes.  Some good, some bad and most of them difficult to categorize.  I must admit I’m concerned about many of them.  I am thus confronted with the question of what I am to do about these changes.  I am not the get a bullhorn and make a scene type.  At the same time I believe that I have a responsibility to do something.

Why, because of my children, their friends and all of the other children.  I believe that we are creating our prosperity on their dime.  I realize that we are in a very difficult time financially.  But we have to admit that we are still about as prosperous a society as has ever existed, even in our current crisis.  Also the economy is a small part of my concerns.  I also have great concerns in the areas of our morals and values, our politics, and our core philosophy.  Ultimately the implications land on the areas I have focused my career, namely, marriage, family, mental health and faith.

So what am I supposed to do.  I don’t know the whole answer, but, I think I know what the first step is. I believe that PRAYER is where I have to start.  Prayer for what the second step is.  Prayer for my children and all the children.  Prayer for the people I interact with right now, both personally and professionally.  Prayer to be used as God’s tool to answer my own prayers.

These social sites like Myspace, Facebook and others, are simply frightening to me.  I know I have a distorted perspective because of what I do.  I’ve seen too many marriages effected by Internet affairs and heard of too many stories of predators online. I actually signed up for one site about two months ago.  I got friend requests within a few hours.  I got spooked by the whole process almost immediately.  I was startled by the random and spontaneous nature of the “friendship” process.  So I withdrew from the site the same day.

I realize that this is part of the way people connect and participate in community now, but, I still urge caution.  I will probably get on such a site some day.  In the meantime I encourage my clients to be very careful about anything on the internet. I am probably too cautious, however, I certainly believe it is better to be safe than sorry.

It seems to me that the Christian world has been actively addressing the issue of sexual addiction, or Cybersex inappropriateness, for some time.  The secular world has been more sporadic in acknowledging the problem. Often the secular community will either react in the extreme to isolated stories or minimizing it’s significance.  As I recall, MANY years ago Michael Douglas admitted to sexual addiction issue.    I found this rather stale news of David Duchovny’s problems.  This article seems to be acknowledging that there is a real problem. Be warned, it certainly suggests some levels of cybersex dalliance may be acceptable, a statement with which most Christians would differ.

I can tell you that the internet has created problems for a number of men who would’ve never been tempted by another form of pornography.  The semblance of anonymity, false as it may be, has allowed many men to satisfy their curiosity and much more.  I know exactly when I had a dramatic increase of men dealing with porn addiction/abuse.  It was in 1996 when AOL went from pay by the hour to $19.99 for all you can view.   Within six months I had a boatload of men dealing with cybersex issue and marriages in trouble since the wife discovered her husbands viewing of internet porn.

The women aren’t completely innocent either.  Although, they were more often struggling with inappropriate cyber relationships.  I’ve had a number of men insist on marital therapy after discovering a cyberaffair.

Unfortunately, Christian’s struggle with these issues almost as frequently as Non-Christians.  On some levels it might even seem to be a worse problem for the Christian.  Christian’s may realize they have a problem far earlier than the Non-Christian, simply due to a difference in values.  As such, Christian’s tend to see a problem and seek help at levels Non-Christians are not usually concernd about.

This article suggests that the “Love Dare” book, which was written after it was conceived as an element of the movie “Fireproof”, is light on interventions that can make significant change in relationships.

Personally, I respect the research and insights these men bring to the field I practice in.  However, I have determined that real change is an attitude or even a heart issue.  Often I believe that the specific intervention, an individual or couple use to make change in their relationship, is much much less important than the degree of heart change that accompanies the intervention.